Are You Playing by the Rules?
Chapter 1: THE ATTITUDE SPEECH
For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker and author just like my hero, the great “Zig” Ziglar.
I had the voice for it and the personality. I had plenty of confidence, some good writing skills and I spent a lot of time searching for just the right message, a single message which could become my expertise.
It had to be a message that would stand the test of time, always be relevant and one that would apply to every single human being on the face of the earth. And there was only one subject that could do all three. It would be my As a Man Thinketh or Think and Grow Rich theme, except it would be simple and straight to the point. It would be one theme, one book in digital format, easy to read and re-read; even from your phone. It would be available only when you wanted it, but always when you needed it. Simple rules for life, right in the palm of your hand, the “go-to” source for living life right. It would become life-changing for so many.
Not only that, but it would also include a YouTube presence to spread the message to the masses like wildfire, free of charge and on-demand.
So, what’s the message I decided to share with the world? One word, one theme:
A-t-t-i-t-u-d-e
Attitude, attitude and nothing but attitude, so help me God.
It is the most important ingredient for success in life, both personal and professional, and it shapes and defines the “content” of your character.
That’s some powerful stuff.
And every single person already has this power in their possession at this very moment. They just might not know it.
The awesome power of attitude is a learned behavior, influenced by a variety of sources over time and although everyone uses and misuses it all day, every day, most don’t even know they have the power or don’t understand the power of the power. Too many don’t know how to use this power and don’t even want to be personally responsible for such a powerful power.
If we all had this power completely in our control, what would be our excuse when we failed? Whose fault would it be? Who could we blame? Certainly not ourselves!
It’s empowering when you know you have control over your behavior. Some don’t want that responsibility.
Attitude is built-in power that automatically controls how you act and react, how you behave in every single moment and circumstance of your life.
The bad news is that this powerful power comes without an instruction manual… until now.
Your mom and dad probably used the word “attitude” but didn’t sit you down and explain exactly how it worked. They probably didn’t know “the rules” either. It is not taught in the schools. That’s where they tell you what you think instead of teaching you how to think. It’s something you can’t buy, borrow or steal. It’s a personal possession and is not available on Amazon (except as an e-book). And the government can’t give it to you and can’t take it away from you either.
Your parents may have tried to get you to change your behavior by spanking you. I guess all things are connected… the foot bone’s connected to the leg bone, the leg bone’s connected to the knee bone, the butt bone’s connected to the brain bone… but indirectly it worked because you did change your behavior. And it changed instantaneously. You didn’t realize you changed your thinking, but you did. What you really did was change your behavior which automatically changed your thinking.
Attitude change works from inside-out and from the outside-in. You can change your thinking and your behavior changes or change your behavior and your thinking changes. That’s an important discovery. More on that later.
Rule #1: “Everything begins with the way you ‘choose’ to think.”
Thoughts become actions and reactions which become habits which become attitudes which becomes character which becomes identity.
Thought is the process of thinking. It’s free will, a voluntary choice which is a gift from God. It’s cognitive, active and on-going. It never stops and hardly ever slows down. It is everything the conscious mind does. It has no memory and can only hold one thought at a time.
There are only two things you can do with a thought. You can act on it or dismiss it. When acted on it becomes an action or a reaction. Actions are what you say and do and reactions are what you say and do in response to someone or something. Through repetition these behaviors become habits.
Thoughts produce actions and if you can’t or don’t control your thoughts, you can’t and won’t control your actions.
Your attitudes originate in the way you choose to think. They are habits of thought which have been repeated frequently enough to become ingrained as automatic behaviors which happen without even a single thought.
Thoughts and attitudes and the actions they produce are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and whatever else represents good and bad… positive or negative, optimistic or pessimistic, friendly or unfriendly, happy or unhappy, enthusiastic or apathetic, respectful or disrespectful, Christ-like or not, etc.
There is no gray area between good and bad to hide in. You must choose a side and there are only two choices.
Here is an illustration of the unlimited power of good and bad attitudes:
- A good attitude can make the good things in your life seem like they are so good they couldn’t possibly be any better.
- A bad attitude can make the bad things seem like they are about as bad as they could get.
- A bad attitude can even make those good things seem like they aren’t as good as you thought they were.
- But a good attitude can make the bad things seem like they are not so bad after all.
Bad attitudes make both bad things and good things seem worse. Good attitudes make both good things and bad things seem better.
That’s the power of attitude!
Your attitude affects every single aspect of your life either in a good way or bad way, this way or that way, one way or the other. It affects:
- What you say and how you say it.
- What you do and how you do it.
- What you can do and what you can’t do.
- What you will do and what you won’t do.
- How you treat yourself and how you treat others.
- How you approach the things in life that you want to do, need to do and have to do but might not want to do.
- How you deal with both the good and bad circumstances of life.
- Your job and how well you do it.
- The quality of all your relationships.
In fact, your attitude affects every single aspect of how you live, work and play.
A good attitude makes you look better, feel better, act better, do better, sound better, communicate better, live better, love better, play better, work better, do your job better, lead better and get along with others better.
Everything is “better” with a good attitude.
But most importantly, your attitudes shape and define the “content” of your character and it’s your character that reveals your true identity and influences the important roles you play in life and the quality of life you live each day.
So be careful which thoughts and actions you allow to become ingrained as the “characteristics” of your character.
So let me ask you a “rhetorical” question.
What if simply changing your thoughts and attitudes was the difference maker in both your personal and professional lives?
It is!
(I told you it was rhetorical!)
It’s the one thing that can change everything, the little thing that can make a big difference.
Just by simply changing your attitudes from bad to good, your relationships will improve, your performance will be enhanced, your productivity will go off the charts and the roles you play will be award-winning.
The difference maker is attitude, attitude and nothing but a good attitude.
You can either be the master or the victim of your attitudes.
Be the master!
Now let’s learn How Life Works and then The Attitude Rules.
Chapter 2: HOW LIFE WORKS
Life as we know it and live it is made up of these essential components: thoughts, actions & reactions (behavior), habits, attitudes, character and identity. The components are the same for everybody and work over and over again in the same order even when you don’t realize it. Master these essentials plus the other rules and live a good life.
Think ~ Say ~ Do ~ Be
~ Everything begins with the way you “choose” to think.
Your thoughts, attitudes and actions are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and anything else representing good and bad.
~ Your thoughts become actions and reactions.
Actions are what you say and do and reactions are what you say and do in response to someone or something; behavior.
~ Through repetition your actions and reactions become habits.
~ Your habits repeated frequently enough become ingrained as automatic actions and reactions called attitudes.
~ Your attitudes shape and define the “content” of your character.
~ Your character reveals your true identity and influences the performance of the important roles you play in life and the quality of life you live each day.
Thoughts. Actions & Reactions. Habits. Attitudes. Character. Identity. Roles. Quality of Life.
They are all connected, all are personal possessions, all are within your control, all are personal responsibilities and all are choices.
This is how life works.
And everything begins with the way you “choose” to think.
Chapter 3: THOUGHTS ABOUT THINKING
It is your thoughts that set off the chain of events which make life work: Thinking – Saying – Doing – Being. These are the functions of all human beings.
What you choose to think, say and do defines who you become.
The way you choose to think is the one thing you have absolute control over.
Thoughts are the process of thinking. It’s free will, a voluntary choice which is a gift from God. It’s cognitive, active, and on-going. It never stops and hardly ever slows down.
It takes a thought and a decision to produce a single action or reaction.
You can only think one thought at a time and there are only two things you can do with a thought: Act on it (say it, do it) or dismiss it.
If you can’t control or don’t your thoughts, you can’t or won’t control your actions.
Be careful which thoughts and actions you allow to become ingrained as automatic responses called attitudes.
“Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of the world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.” (ERV)
“And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].”
Romans 12:2 ERV and AMP
“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.”
James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
Chapter 4: The Power of Good and Bad:
The theme of The Attitude Rules is built around the words “good and bad.”
Good means helpful, constructive and productive. It’s morally excellent. It’s positive and desirable in nature. Good is the nature of God and “goodness” is one of the fruits of the spirit. God is good and through Him we can also be good and good just doesn’t get any better than that. Bad is the opposite of good. It is never good.
Good and bad are two completely different things, going in two completely different directions and producing two completely different results. It’s either good or bad, this way or that way, one way or the other and there is no point located between good and bad. There is no gray area to hide in or to deceive yourself with.
Good is always good and bad is always bad. There are degrees of good and bad…excellent, great, terrible, awful, for example, but even the “worst good” is still good and the “best bad” is still bad. “Not very good” is still good and “not so bad” is still bad. Good is never bad and bad is never good. Get it? Got it? Good!
Use the word “good” to describe all desirable thoughts, attitudes and actions. Use “bad” for all the undesirables. Positive is good, optimistic is good, friendly is good, happy is good, enthusiastic is good, respectful is good, unselfish is good, and the list goes on and on. Negative is bad, pessimistic is bad, unfriendly is bad, unhappy is bad, apathetic is bad, disrespectful is bad, selfish is bad, etc.
But “good” is also Christ-like, right, moral, pleases God, caring, motivated, cheerful, compassionate, confident, determined and many, many more. (Note how these examples represent “good”).
Good helps. Bad hurts. Good produces benefits and bad produces consequences. Blessings or curses.
You must choose a side and there are only two choices, good or bad… and whatever else good and bad represent.
Whatever choice you make, makes you. So make good choices.
“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”
John Wesley
“A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad, cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances.” James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
The attitude meter is your ongoing internal awareness of what’s running through your head at any given moment. It is an essential component for your success and should always be in the “on” position to monitor whether your thoughts, attitudes and actions are good or bad.
Chapter 5: ACTIONS AND REACTIONS
Thoughts and attitudes produce actions and reactions.
Thoughts happen one a time and are acted on by choice and attitudes happen anytime and are acted on automatically.
Actions are what you say and do and reactions are what you say and do in response to someone or something.
What you say and do, how you “act” is called behavior; your words and deeds.
Actions and reactions like the thoughts and attitudes that produce them are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and whatever else represents good and bad.
They are voluntary and should reflect your character. Good behavior should be considered “in-character,” your “default” factory setting; the way you were intentionally designed. Bad behavior should be “out-of-character.”
Make sure your bad behaviors are rare and brief; they don’t happen very often and they don’t last very long.
You have the ability and also the responsibility to control your actions and reactions at all times. Disciplined thinking, self-control and wisdom are required. Think before you act or react. Choose your actions wisely. Use restraint when needed. Sometimes saying nothing and doing nothing are the best responses. Maybe just smile and change the subject.
Do not reciprocate (DNR) the negativity of others.
Always have an attitude in place to deal with any circumstance before it happens so you will know how to react.
Don’t “act” a fool and never “over-react” unless it’s a dangerous or life-threatening situation.
Only good thoughts, good attitudes, good actions and good reactions are allowed.
“A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts and attitudes, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.”
James Allen, As a Man Thinketh / RAC
“A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts and attitudes, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.” James Allen, As a Man Thinketh / RAC
hatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.”
Philippians 1:27 NIV, Holy Bible
Chapter 6: HABITS
Habits are behaviors learned through frequent repetition, acting and reacting the same way over and over then again and again. They are habits of thought, habits of what you say and what you do.
- Good habits. Bad habits. Good is good. Bad is bad.
- Let only good habits of thought and actions become ingrained as attitudes. Catch the bad ones before they do and then eliminate them.
“To change a bad habit make a conscious decision, then act out the new behavior.”
Maxwell Maltz
“Your habits will ultimately determine your quality of life.”
Dennis Waitley
Chapter 7: ATTITUDE
Thoughts and attitudes are related, but different.
Thoughts are dealt with one at a time as they occur and are either consciously acted on or dismissed.
Attitudes originate with the way you choose to think. They are habits of thoughts and actions repeated frequently enough to become ingrained in your subconscious mind and heart as automatic actions and reactions. Your attitudes and the actions and reactions they produce, both good and bad, are on “auto-pilot,” operating without a conscious thought. With an attitude you don’t think about acting or reacting in a certain way, it’s just the way you always act and react.
Good attitudes are the goal; positive, optimistic, enthusiastic, happy, friendly, loving, etc. The list is endless.
When your attitudes are “bad” everybody knows it except you. They know what triggers the bad attitude and can see it coming from a mile away. Examples: Angry, short tempered, impatient, pessimistic, general negativity, etc.
The most important thing about attitudes is that they shape and define the “content” of your character. They are the “characteristics” of your character, revealing your identity… the person you really are, the real you.
Be careful which thoughts you allow to move from your head and become “ingrained” in your heart. Guard your heart because everything you do flows from it. Be intentional about what is allowed in there; only good. Reject the rest.
You can either be the master or the victim of your attitudes.
“Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life.”
Proverbs 4:23 ERV, Holy Bible
“When you hear or see a person’s attitude you are literally hearing and seeing the content of his/her character on display.”
James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
Chapter 8: ATTITUDE MODIFIERS
An attitude modifier is an adjective for the noun “attitude.” A fill-in-the-blank attitude. The modifiers describe the attitudes that become the “characteristics” which shape and define your character. They are descriptors of how you will act and react. It is imperative that you “know thy modifiers.”
Here are examples: a positive attitude, an optimistic attitude, a good attitude, a friendly attitude, a happy attitude, a confident attitude, a respectful attitude, a Christ-like attitude, an unselfish attitude and, of course, many, many more.
The focus is only on the “good” modifiers. Each good modifier has an opposite (example: good or bad, right or wrong, optimistic or pessimistic, etc). But do not spend any time focusing on the bad ones.
Only target the good ones that you will use in the design of your character. You are happy “or” you’re not. You’re motivated “or” you aren’t, etc.
Note that “unselfish” is a good trait unlike most of the others with “un” prefixes; unfriendly, untrustworthy, as well as the prefixes “im” (example: immoral), “ir” (example: irresponsible), “in” (example: inconsiderate), or “dis” (example: disrespectful). They all mean “not.”
The suffix “ful” also applies: hateful, sinful, spiteful (which means you are full of whatever that is). Note that “disrespectful” gets the double whammy of a prefix and a suffix as does “ungrateful” and others. Avoid these poisons at all costs.
Also note that “integrity” is a landmark attitude and character trait. Defined: Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. There is no adjective for integrity to modify the noun attitude, so let the word stand for itself. Be a person of great integrity.
Avoid all the negative modifiers that define what you don’t want to be. Focus only on good and all the modifiers that represent good. Recognize the bad ones when you act them act out and immediately replace them with good ones.
Be intentional in the design of your character.
Chapter 9: CHARACTER
“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts and attitudes.”
James Allen, As a Life Thinketh
Chapter 10: IDENTITY
Your character reveals your true identity, “identifying” the person you really are. It is made up of the distinguishing “characteristics” (attitudes) and personality of you as a one-of-a-kind individual.
You are the only you there will ever be in the history of the world. Others may look like you and sound like you or perhaps even be your identical twin, but there is only “one you” and there will always only be one you. The possibilities for abundance in your life are endless.
But every single person in the world, including you and me, were born a non-Christian with the curse of sin, separated from God awaiting a death penalty and eternal punishment and therefore with an identity that will always be lacking and incomplete.
In essence, as the philosopher Pascal said: “There is a God-shaped vacuum (a void or hole) in the heart of each man (and woman) which cannot be satisfied by any created thing, but only by God the creator, made known through the spirit of His son Jesus Christ” who died for your sins so you wouldn’t have to.
In other words, what we are all missing is a love relationship with God, THE God, the creator God, the one true God and the only living God. You can continue living without Him, but it doesn’t end well.
By accepting God’s grace through faith in Jesus, you will be “born again,” transformed by a spiritual rebirth applied by the His Holy Spirit, making you complete and whole… a new creation with a new heart (not just a hole filled), a new way of thinking, a new attitude, and a new way of living. The old self is gone and your new self is no longer defined by who you are, but by whose you are in Christ. It’s no longer just you, but Christ in you.
Our local, national and even world-wide identity struggle is the consequence of trying to identify as “self minus God” which is where we all begin, but no matter how hard you try to do it by yourself, “self by yourself” without God will never, ever be enough. Your struggles will continue… for eternity.
The truth is there is simply no solution for the human problem of sin and death outside the grace of God and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. None.
You were wonderfully made, created in the image of God, designed for success, destined to win in this life and for eternity by God’s mercy and grace. Jesus died once for all, but His righteousness does not become yours or mine until we personally accept Him as our Savior and confess Him as our Lord and master. Your earthly and eternal lives will be forever changed the moment your salvation is applied and only then can you begin to live for the One who died for you. This is the Gospel truth that will set you free!
That’s quite an identity!
Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].
2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP
Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6 ESV
“When the race is complete, still my lips shall repeat: Yet not I, but through Christ in me!”
Rich Thompson, Michael Farren, Johnny Robinson
The Roles You Play:
There are many roles you play in life.
Your character influences the performance of all the important roles. Good character makes your roles award-winning.
You don’t get to choose all the roles you play, but you have complete control over how well you “play” them.
Apply the same character to all your roles. Perform them all to the best of your ability every day. Put the best interests of others before your own. Let your good character influence all those who come into your presence.
Quality of Life:
Quality of life is the goodness produced by the life you live and is a reflection of your character.
Philosophy
My examples: The pursuit of being happy, healthy and productive. The ultimate goal. To be saved by Grace through faith in Jesus Christ. The fruit. Wonderful family and friends. Everything I need. Live, laugh, love and be loved in return. Live life to it’s fullest. Faith, family, friends, profession. Personal life and professional life. Blessings. Live and work and play. Play hard and have fun. Compete. Life a good life, surrounded by family and friends, doing good things. Loving the Lord.
“You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
The great Zig Ziglar
Chapter 11: THE POWER OF “YES AND NO“
In teaching yourself to control how you act and react in shaping and defining the content of your character, there are specific decisions that must be made. How should you act? How should you react? The answer is a simple question. What does your character dictate?
Is it good? Yes? Then it’s not bad. Is it right? Yes? Then it’s not wrong. Will it help? Yes? Then it won’t hurt. Are there benefits? Yes. Then there will be no consequences. Is it in-character? Yes. Then it’s not out-of-character. Is it Christ-like? Yes? That settles it. A yes to that one means a yes to all of them. A “no” to any of them means a “no” to all.
Two options: Yes or no. Decision made. Next decision.
Teach yourself to say “yes” to the things you need to say “yes” to and “no” to the things you need to say “no” to. “Yes” to good. “No” to bad. “Yes” to the things you should say. “No” to the things you should not say. “Yes” to the things you should do. “No” to the things you should not do.
It’s “yes” to what you need to say or do and “no” to what need not say or do. Okay, you get the idea. Let that sink in.
Don’t do stupid things. Don’t fall for the peer pressure thing. Just say “no” to alcohol and other drugs. I thought I would sneak those in. Decisions, decisions.
The all-powerful brain “muscle” does exactly what it’s told to do (the brain is not really a muscle). It does not have a mind of its own. It cannot think for you or tell you what to do and neither should anyone else. You are the only one who can and should be making a decision for you. Read that last sentence again. You either act on the thought with a “yes” or dismiss it with a “no.” Next thought.
Many struggles are incurred by saying “yes” to the things we should say “no” to and “no” to the things we should say “yes” to. It’s easy to change a “no” to a “yes,” but much more difficult to change a “yes” to a “no.”
Choices. Nobody can make you do what you don’t choose to do and nobody can stop you from doing what you do choose. Is it “Christ-like? Does it please God?” Those are the only choices needed. Yes or no.
If it’s a sin it should be a “no.” Sin can’t make you do anything you don’t choose to do either. Tell Satan to take a hike or to go jump in the lake (of fire). Think about it. Christ-like character demands it.
When you keep saying ‘yes’ to the wrong things, you either aren’t rationally thinking about what you ‘should’ do or you’re not thinking at all. Don’t think with your emotions. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. If you hear the devil is in your ear or if a serpent talks to you, you know it’s a lie.
If you want to control this powerful operating system you’ve been given, you better learn how to use it. You are responsible for programming the computer, for inputting the right data and the instruction manual is written in your character.
Make good choices and wise decisions and back them up with the right actions.
It’s a simple fix, a difference maker and a life changer.
“The simplest kind of decision is binary, that is, the question can be answered, in principle at least, by either yes or no.”
E.J.W Barber
“The oldest, shortest words – ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.”
Pythagoras
Chapter 12: ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENTS
Here’s the good news. Your bad thoughts can be dismissed on the spot and your bad attitudes and actions can be changed instantaneously. Thank God you’re not stuck with them.
First you need to know that you have some, as Zig would say, ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ or attitude or action that needs to be changed and then make a conscious decision to change them.
Nobody can change them for you and they certainly won’t change themselves.
Ongoing awareness is the first step. Behavioral change comes next, from bad to good.
The Attitude Meter:
The attitude meter is your ongoing internal awareness of what’s running through your mind at any given moment. It is an essential component for your success and should always be in the “on” position.
It constantly monitors your behaviors, confirming when they are “good” and alerting you when they go “bad.” There is no “gray area,” only two choices… good or bad.
In your mind’s eye, visualize when the meter is on Good and when it is on Bad. Remember, there are degrees of good and bad, but the worst good is still good and the best bad is still bad.
You can also substitute other modifiers for the words Good and Bad; any words in the place of Good which represent Good and the opposite represents Bad. Example: Christ-like or Not Christ-like, etc.
Catch yourself in the act and do a 180:
When you catch yourself in the act of 1) thinking thoughts you shouldn’t be thinking, 2) saying things you shouldn’t be saying or 3) saying them in a way you shouldn’t be saying them, 4) catch yourself doing things you shouldn’t be doing, 5) hanging around with people who are influencing you to do what you shouldn’t be doing and/or 6) being in places where you shouldn’t be, the meter is on “bad” and an attitude adjustment must be made.
“Do a 180° (degree)” turn and go in the opposite direction immediately, mentally, behaviorally and physically, if necessary. Change your thinking and actions by changing bad behavior to good and eliminate those things from future recurrence.
“Do a 180”
A bad thought can simply be dismissed on the spot. Bad attitudes and actions can be changed to good instantaneously from the inside-out or the outside-in. But the quick fix is to start with changing your behavior, not your thoughts.
“It is quicker and easier to act your way into new thinking than to think your way into new actions.”
Jon Katzenbach
You can instantly change your attitude from bad to good by simply changing your bad behavior to good behavior.
Negative becomes positive on the spot.
When you change your behavior (outside-in), your mindset (inside-out) will follow. Your thoughts and actions must always in harmony.
“Catch yourself in the “act” and do a 180°“
RAC
Chapter 13: RELATIONSHIPS
There is only one rule for relationships and it’s golden. “Treat yourself as you would have others treat you and treat all others the same.”
Simply put, always be nice & friendly, kind, polite, respectful and fair to everyone, including yourself; unconditionally.
How should you treat others? How can you make your relationships work… your relationship with yourself and your relationships with others?
This verse came from the teachings of Jesus which I first learned as a kid way back in the 1950s from the King James Version of the Bible, Matthew 7:12: “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.”
My simple translation: Treat others as you would have them treat you.
There have been so many different ways to say this through the centuries. Some call it the Ethic of Reciprocity, with reciprocity meaning “to respond in kind; in like manner.” Be nice to others and they (well most of them) will be nice to you. Good reciprocity. But it works the other way, too. Be disrespectful to others and expect them to disrespectful to you. Bad reciprocity.
Good reciprocity is the key to all relationships.
Confuscius, the Chinese teacher and philosopher (551-479 BC) had his own spin on it. “Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you.”
It’s the same thing. You get what you give. If you give good, you get good. If you give bad, you get bad. Reciprocity. Expect it.
But here’s the problem. What happens when someone, friend or foe, gives you bad? How should you respond if you are supposed to treat others as you would have them treat you? Should you give them “bad” back? And if you “give” them bad back because that’s what they gave you, aren’t you now giving bad to them knowing you will probably get what you give? Do you see the dilemma?
Here’s the solution: If someone else is doing the giving and they’re not giving good, you must not give “bad” back.
Humans are wired to reciprocate the actions of others. Good for good and bad for bad. Responding to good stuff is easy, but you have to pause before choosing your response to bad, whatever that bad might be. You have to intentionally decide to react to bad with good.
Design your character to always respond to “good with good and also to bad with good.” Period. When someone gives you a negative, give them back a positive. If they are being unkind and you want to kill ’em, just kill ’em with kindness. It’s like heaping burning coals over their head. That’s fun and Biblical! (Proverbs 25:22) Just for clarification, do not “literally” heap the burning coals. 🙂
Never overreact to anything unless it’s a dangerous and life threatening situation. Most are not.
Do this: You can avoid a confrontation by beating everybody to the punch and “give it” first. Smile first, speak first, extend your hand first, greet them first, say something nice and encouraging first. Tell them “I hope you have a great day.” You will be stunned with the results!
The rule: Treat yourself as you would have others treat you and treat all others the same.
Always be nice & friendly, kind, polite, respectful and fair to everyone, including yourself, and do it unconditionally.
Stay within your character. Choose your actions and reactions wisely. You can always turn the other cheek if you need to and if that doesn’t work, turn the other two cheeks and walk (or run) away.
Life is short and the only way you can live life as God intended it to be lived is to actually live it like God intended you to live it. His Grace, your faith, His promises, your obedience. His love for you, your love for Him, your love for yourself through Him, and your love for others, because He first loved us all. By confessing with you mouth that Jesus is your Savior and the Lord of your life and believing in your heart that He was raised from the dead, you are born again into a new creation with the righteousness of God through Christ. Your old sinful self is passed away, behold everything new, a living hope . Let the standard of your thoughts, attitudes and actions be evaluated only as “It’s Christ-like or it’s not” and “It pleases God or it doesn’t.” And life will be good.
RAC
Chapter 14: INFLUENCES
Your attitudes, both good and bad, have been influenced by a variety of sources over time; influences and influencers influencing you. Know who and what is influencing you and whether the influences are good or bad or whatever represents good and bad; positive or negative, right or wrong, moral or immoral, appropriate or inappropriate, something you should do or shouldn’t do, Christ-like or not, etc.
Influence is the power used by others to affect how you think and act.
You were born with a clean slate. You knew nothing and had no attitudes until the doctor popped you on the behind. Everything which is not influenced by DNA and the autonomic functions of the body has come from many sources and are learned by you, either consciously or unconsciously. You learned to speak the English language from the influence of the English speaking people all around you. Even that slow southern drawl you have, for example, was influenced by someone with a slow southern drawl; “ya’ll, ain’t, howdy, I recon.” Your “culture” influences the way you talk and act and how you influence others. For example, I learned to be funny and cuss like a sailor listening to Richard Pryor on an LP (an old timey record album). I learned not to drink alcohol simply by watching my dad drink alcohol. I got an early introduction to Christianity and church from my parents. Thank you, Jesus. I missed out on a lot of the questionable things that teenagers do by staying at home and playing the Strat-o-Matic Baseball board game for hours on end. It was the video game addiction before video games, but it kept me out of all kinds of trouble. The examples of influences are endless.
The influences in 21st century America are non-stop and coming from every direction. And just like thoughts, attitudes and actions, these influences are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good and bad. And they all want one thing… your mind.
The biggest influences, especially in your early years were from your parents, siblings and peers. Research shows that the first eight years of a child’s life shape who they will be a person. With the proper role models like a mother and a father who teach core values, kids develop morals and values including attitudes, discipline, manners, the differences between right and wrong and good & bad, self-respect which breeds respect for others and vice-versa, personal responsibilities, how to think for themselves and how to make good decisions and wise choices about how they act and react in all circumstances. If you are wondering what happens when the kids don’t have proper role models, just look around.
Other influences: There is an ongoing media influx, each vying for your mind, your time and your money. The print media: newspapers, magazines and books of all kinds and all influences. Broadcast media: television and radio, 24 hour talking heads giving you their opinions (not necessarily what is right and moral, but just “their” opinions), a lot of fake news and non-stop advertisers trying to sell you anything and everything. Film media: movies at the theater, on TV and the internet rated anywhere from G to XXX and documentaries, some which are good and some hard core propaganda. What you hear and see in movies has drastically changed over the years since Rhett told Scarlett that “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a “damn.” There’s nothing you can’t hear or see on a movie screen somewhere and a lot of things that you can’t un-see. New Media: The internet, search engines, streaming TV, social media, mobile apps. Google is an unrivaled titan and the most powerful company in the world putting a wealth of knowledge (good and bad) at your finger tips. Everybody says “Google it.” Social media: This is the newest influencer and taking over minds all over the world. Facebook (Meta) (2.9 billion “active monthly users”), Instagram (also Meta), YouTube (Google), WhatsApp, TikTok (China; CCP), Twitter (X), LinkedIn, Snapchat and many, many, too many more. Game media: Video gaming, interactive entertainment, virtual reality (Meta, again), sports gambling. Gambling your money away is probably not going to work out well. Music media: Streaming services, podcasts, live music, music libraries. Rap and hip hop music has a beat that charges up the emotions, but the content is mostly offensive and divisive and has influenced millions upon millions of every race, creed, color and national origin. And country music about “getting drunk” may be fun to some, but it’s not funny. Songs about “being in love” evolved into “making love” (mostly outside of marriage I suppose) in the 60s. Instrumentals might be the way to go.
It can be said that the invention of the internet and mobile devices has literally changed the world and how we spend our time and money. Apple with their phones and devices was valued at over 2 trillion dollars in 2021. Just about every person in the world has a mobile phone in the palm of their hand and an internet-connected device, including the phone, at their fingertips and a James Bond-like watch on their wrist. There is a lot of knowledge and information on the “net,” but it also has a very, very ugly “dark” side on-demand. Warning: DO NOT ENTER! But millions and billions do, every day.
Influence. Influencers. There are benefits and consequences for all of these things. Be careful. Limit the time spent on all “devices” and eliminate the negative influences. “Garbage in. Garbage out.” I suggest you put a timer on any devices the kids use and limit their screen time. Even the inventors of the “technologies” won’t let their own children use them. There’s a strong message there.
Added to all of that is the mass of confusion and deception in politics, wokeness, race issues, the indoctrination in public and private school systems as well as the universities, the lefty loons now teaching kids what to think instead of how to think, the LGBTQ-ers trying to win you over to their fantasy lifestyle choices using guilt and shame. Everybody, even your “friends” want to get in your head. They want your mind. Your presence and participation in their stuff validates their foolishness, their insecurities, their sins. And then there are the out-of-touch Hollywood trash manufacturers, the climate change hoax; man cannot destroy what God has created. He can, but you can’t. Note: the world will be destroyed one day and it will be by fire (from God) and not by CO2 emissions. Toss in inflation, Godless people everywhere, the new world order, endless wars, the threat of nuclear annihilation… and this is just Monday!
But behind it all is Satan, the archenemy of God, in an ongoing spiritual battle between God and evil (bad). Good and bad again, still the only two “choices.”
I believe that Satan is a liar and his only power and purpose is to deceive and lead people away from God. And although “he is roaring like a lion looking for those he may devour,” he has no power over you through Christ, unless you allow it. Thank you Jesus. He was defeated at the Cross and the Resurrection and will be judged and sentenced when Christ returns and thrown into the Lake of Fire with many others, for an eternity of torment.
All of the above distractions and more are to keep your mind on anything other than God. So do not be deceived. Don’t be distracted.
“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation.” (Matthew 26:41) This is a summary of Christian duty. Watchfulness sees temptation coming; prayer gives strength to withstand it. When we fall into temptation, we are neither watching for it or praying about it. Watch and pray… every day. Ask God to lead, guide, guard and protect you.
Remember, in the end, no matter who or what influences you, you are completely responsible for how you choose to think and act and for the benefits or consequences they produce in your life. Make good choices and wise decisions… always.
“You are who you are and what you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change who you are and what you are by knowing whose you are and changing what goes into your mind.”
The great Zig Ziglar
Chapter 15: SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
Success is the ongoing accomplishment of goals. Goals are things you want to be, do and have.
It requires making specific decisions, taking specific actions and making ongoing evaluations and adjustments when needed.
You can dream all day and all night, build a to-do list a mile long, but until you take the right type of action you won’t get it. Specific goals require specific actions. “Action is the foundational key to all success.” Picasso
The essential attitudes required are discipline, confidence, motivation and determination… toughness. (see description under Rule #___).
Decide exactly what you want. Be specific. Put a plan together on how to get it. Take the type of action that will take you closer to your goals. Evaluate the plan or the goal and adjust and continue.
Success is simply getting what you want. What do you want? What’s the plan to get it? Do it! Make it happen!
The ”ultimate success” in this life is accepting God’s amazing grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Don’t live here, love here or leave her without it. Too many do. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” This must be at the top of your “to do” list. Do it now. Share it with others. Live for the one who died for you. Eternity is a long, long time to be wrong.
RAC
Chapter 16: THE ESSENTIAL ATTITUDES
The essential attitudes are the cornerstones for success in both your personal and professional lives… the discipline to do things the way they are supposed to be done, the confidence to know you can do whatever you want to do and need to do, the motivation to really want to do it take the action to get it done and the determination to persist to make it happen.
The essential essentials: Self-disciplined, very confident, highly motivated and completely determined. Tough-minded… all day, every day.
- Discipline means doing things the way they are supposed to done. It begins with the mastery of your thoughts and attitudes because if you don’t control what you think, you can’t control what you say and do. Discipline is self-control; self-discipline. It’s consistently doing the right things the right way.
- Confidence is “knowing” you can do what you want and need to do. It’s not just thinking you can or hoping you can, but knowing you can. Whether you believe you can or can’t, you are right. It works both ways. You always have a 50-50 chance to do anything. There are only two things that can happen… only two results: you either can or you can’t, you do or you don’t or you will or you won’t. Confidence comes from being prepared. If you have a 50-50 chance to succeed then why not just properly prepare yourself to do it and take action and not be distracted by doubt and fear? Reset to default, the way you were intentionally designed and do it again. What could be the reason to believe you can’t?
- Motivation is the driving force that makes you take action. It means you really, really want to do something; it’s very important to you. If you really want to do something, nobody can stop you from doing it and if you really don’t want to do something, nobody can make you do it. External sources can motivate you, but to be completely in your control, motivation must come from within. It’s really Motiva(c)tion, the motivation to take action. Get motiva(c)ted.
- Determination- If a human has any unlimited power, the ability to do anything, it is through determination. There is no greater human power. Make it happen. Determination, persistence and willpower… executing the plan of action. Evaluate and adjust until you get what you want. Be relentless.
It is “self”-discipline which makes confidence, motivation and determination happen and the sum of all four essential attitudes is mental toughness. (D+C+M+D)= Toughness.
Toughness is a rare and seldom seen condition which means you can still perform at a high level regardless of the situations, circumstances, self-perceived pressures or any distractions that may cloud your thinking and your ability to compete as you were designed. The fundamentals remain the same regardless of wrong thinking. This is what you want, this is how to get it, do it! Toughness gives you the best chance to be productive and get what you want.
Plug in the essential attitudes each day! Discipline, confidence, motivation, determination and toughness.
Rule #1 – Everything begins with the way you “choose” to think.
Rule #2 – Your thoughts, attitudes and actions are either good or bad, but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and whatever else represents good and bad. No gray areas. There are degrees of good and bad but the worst good is still good and the best bad is still bad. Choose your personal modifier that sets the standard for your behavior: good or bad, Christ-like or not, it pleases God or it doesn’t.
Rule #3 – You cannot control all the circumstances in life but you can always control the way you think and act in every circumstance. How you think, what you say and how you say it, and what you do. How to act and react.
- Make sure your bad attitudes are rare and brief; they don’t happen very often and they don’t last very long. Maximize the goods and minimize the bad.
- Do not reciprocate (DNR) the negativity of others.
- Never “over-react” to anything unless it’s a dangerous or life-threatening situation.
- The problem is not the problem, it’s your attitude about the problem. Always have an attitude in place to know you you will act in any circumstance before it happens.
- Whatever happens, always conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
- Identify problems and focus on solutions.
- Choosing actions and reactions.
Rule #4 – Your attitudes are literally the content of your character on display for all to hear and see. Modifiers.
Rule #5- Be intentional in the design of your character because it reveals who you are and how you live your life. Define the content. Character reveals identity, roles, quality of life.
Your identity is not about who you are, but whose you are in Jesus Christ! Trying to identify as “self minus God” will never be enough. Your identity will always be incomplete until you fill the God-shaped hole in your heart with his Holy Spirit.
Roles
Quality of life
Be a tough-minded competitor. Toughness is a rare and seldom seen condition that means you can still perform at a high level regardless of the situation, circumstances, self-perceived pressures or any distractions that may cloud your thinking and your ability to compete in life as you were designed.
Rule #__ – Always monitor your thoughts, attitudes and actions and adjust them from bad to good as needed.
- Make sure your Attitude Meter is always in the “on” position.
- Catch yourself in the act and do a 180. Saying things you shouldn’t be saying or saying them in a way they shouldn’t be said, doing things you should not do, hanging around people who influence you to do things you shouldn’t do or being in places you shouldn’t be.
- You can change your attitude from bad to good instantaneously from the outside-in, by simply changing your bad behavior to good behavior. It’s easier to change the behavior than it is to
Rule #__ – There is only one rule for relationships and it’s golden. “Treat yourself as you would have others treat you and treat all others the same.” Always be nice & friendly, kind, polite, respectful and fair to everyone, including yourself, unconditionally. Respect for others comes from self-respect. Lack of respect for others indicates a lack of self-respect.
No matter who or what your influences are, you are completely responsible for your actions and reactions at all times. Nobody can make you do anything you don’t choose to do and nobody can keep you from doing anything you do choose to do. Make good choices. No excuses. No exceptions.
- Be careful of the who’s and what’s that influence your life in a negative way and be careful how you influence the lives of others.
Success is the ongoing accomplishment of goals and goals are things you want to be, do and have. it requires making specific decisions, taking specific action, ongoing evaluation and adjustments when needed. What do you want? What the plan to get it? Do it. Make it happen.
Rule #__ – Plug in the essential attitudes each day; discipline, confidence, motivation, determination.
Rule #__ – Teach yourself to say “yes” to the things you need to say “yes” to and “no” to the things you need to say “no” to. “Yes” to good. “No” to bad. “Yes” to the things you should say. “No” to the things you should not say. “Yes” to the things you should do. “No” to the things you should not do.
If you don’t like something, change it and if you can’t change it, change you was you think about and it and seek alternatives and solutions.
You’re gonna get what your looking for so you might as well look for the good and expect the best. Your behavior and performance always tend to gravitate toward the expectations. You always have a 50-50 chance to do anything; you either can or you can’t, will or you won’t, do or you don’t. Focus on can, will and do. Give your self a chance.
There are things in this world you can control and things you can’t control. Know the difference between the two. Stop worrying about things you can’t control. Focus only on what you can control. Evaluate and adjust as needed.
Be grateful for all the blessings in your life and know they come from God. When you are grateful, you will always have more blessings. When you are ungrateful, you will never have enough. Replace the word lucky with blessed.
Renew all your commitments daily.
Play life one pitch at a time. Stay in the moment. Future. Past. There are only two things you should bring forward from your past: Good memories and lessons learned. Delete the rest. Plan for and anticipate the future, but don’t rush it and don’t be anxious or fearful.
Body language. The look on the outside reveals what’s going on on the inside. Change the body language and change the mindset. Design your factory setting. What does it look like? What does it sound like? Learn to reset to default. Create the look and the mindset follows.
The Attitude Rules
Everything begins with the way you “choose” to think.
Your thoughts, attitudes and actions are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and whatever else represents good and bad.
You cannot control all the circumstances of life, but you can always control the way you think and act in every circumstance.
Make sure your bad attitudes and actions are rare and brief; they don’t happen very often and don’t last very long.
Do not reciprocate (DNR) the bad attitudes and actions of others.
Never overreact to anything unless it is a dangerous or life threatening situation.
Always have an attitude in place for every good and bad situation you might face.
Whatever happens conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Your attitude is literally your character on display for all to hear and see.
Be intentional in the design of the content of your character because it reveals the person you are.
Your identity is comprised not by who you are, but by whose you are in Jesus Christ. It will always be incomplete until your new heart is filled with His Holy Spirit. Man is not whole when identifying as “self minus God.” Defective heart.
Always say yes to the things you should say yes to and no to the things you should say no to. It is a never-failing power. The brain muscle does what it’s told to do.
Always be aware of whether thoughts, attitudes and actions are or bad. Make sure your internal “Attitude Meter” is in the “on” position. Adjust from bad to good as needed. Good is your default position. Reset to default.
Catch yourself in the act and do a 180.
Change your attitude from bad to goo instantaneously from the outside-in by simply changing your bad behavior to good.
There is only one rule for relationships and it’s golden. “Treat yourself as you would have others treat you and treat all others the same.”
No matter what your influences are, you are always responsible for what you think, say, and do.
Be aware of the people and things that influence your life in a negative way and be careful how you influence others.
Success is the ongoing accomplishment of goals and goals are things you want to be, do and have. It requires making specific decisions, taking specific actions, ongoing evaluations and making adjustments when needed.
What do you want? What’s the plan to get it? Make it happen. Evaluate and adjust. Repeat.
Plug in the essential attitudes each day: discipline, confidence, motivation, determination and toughness.
Your identity is not about who you are, but whose you are in Jesus Christ. Trying to identify as “self-minus God” will never be enough. It will always be incomplete……
If you don’t like something, change it and if you can’t change it, change the way you think about and it and seek alternatives and solutions.
You are going to get what you’re looking for so you might as well look for the good and expect the best. Your behavior and performance tend to gravitate toward the expectations. You always have a 50-50 chance to do anything. You either can or you can’t, do or you don’t, will or you won’t.
Be a tough minded competitor
Be grateful for all the blessings in your life and know what those blessings are.
Play life one pitch at at time. Future. Past. There are only two things you should bring forward from your past: Good memories and lessons learned. Delete the rest. Plan for and anticipate the future, but don’t rush to get there and don’t be anxious or fearful.
What changes lives is making decisions and taking action that produce the results you want.
Rick Clarke's Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach 