This is a ongoing collection. (Updated: 8/27/23)
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Get Moving with NuWay!
This is my collection of savvy observations, life lessons, news and comment, sports (specifically baseball), good memories, politics, great quotations, Christian encouragement, attitude rules, knowledge, wisdom, success principles, “Living Life Essays,” original and slightly used comedy and other fun stuff. A little bit of this “n” that. I blame my non-stop activity in my brain “muscle” on my mom for smoking cigarettes when she was pregnant with me in 1954 which is responsible for the way my brain works. Enjoy!
Last Updated: 9/7/23
Your identity is incomplete until the “God-shaped hole” in your heart is filled with the Holy Spirit.
The “God-shaped hole” is a place in your heart that only God can fill. If we try to put anything else in there, it won’t fit or fill the needs we all have.
Our national identity struggle is defined by trying to identify as “self, minus God.” No matter how hard you try to do it, “self by yourself” without God will never be enough. Your struggles will continue for eternity.
Your identity is comprised not just by who you are, but by whose you are in Jesus Christ. It’s there for the claiming.
“When the race is complete, still my lips shall repeat: Yet not I, but through Christ in me!” (Rich Thompson, Michael Farren, Johnny Robinson)
From: The Attitude Rules: Simple Rules for Life.
“Are you playing by the rules?”
by Rick Clarke, Attitude Coach & Professional Encourager
The God We Serve:
Our God is THE God.
He is the great “I Am,” the God of Abraham who existed even before the beginning of time (John 5:58).
He is the first and He is the last; beside Him there is no other god (Isaiah 44:6),
He is the creator of the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1).
He created man in his own image (Genesis 1:27).
He is the God who showed His love and mercy for us that while we were still sinners He sent His son Jesus to die on the cross to pay the price for our sins (Romans 5:8) and when He raised Jesus from the tomb, everyone had righteousness set to their account, which would give us a legal right to eternal life. But his righteousness does not become yours or mine until we “get saved” by personally accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior and confessing Him as our Lord.
He is the God whose inspired words are found in the 66 books of the Holy Bible, by far, the most read book in the history of the world (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
He is the God in three persons, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 13:4).
He is spirit with a universal presence.
He is omnipotent. He has unlimited power.
He is omnipresent. He is present everywhere.
He is omniscient. He knows everything.
He is more than amazing.
He is more than marvelous.
He is more than miraculous.
He is more than wonderful.
He is the righteous God.
He is the Holy God.
He is the one true God and He is the only Living God.
This is our God.
THE God.
HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!
A good attitude can make the good things in your life seem like they are so good they couldn’t possibly be any better.
A bad attitude can make the bad things seem like they are about as bad as they could get.
A bad attitude can even make those good things seem like they aren’t as good as you thought they were.
But a good attitude can make the bad things seem like they are not so bad after all.
Bad attitudes make both bad things and good things seem worse. Good attitudes make both bad things and good things seem better.
That’s the power of attitude!
What if simply changing your thoughts and attitudes was the difference maker in your life, both personal and professional?
It is!
It’s the one thing that can change everything, the little thing that can make a big difference.
Just by simply changing your attitudes from bad to good, your relationships will improve, your performance will be enhanced, your productivity will go off the charts and the roles you play will be award-winning.
The difference maker is attitude, attitude and nothing but a good attitude.
You can either be the master or the victim of your attitudes.
Be the master!
The ”ultimate success” in this life is accepting God’s amazing grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Don’t live here, love here or leave here without it. Too many do.
Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
This must be at the top of your “to do” list. Do it now. Share it with others. Live for the one who died for you.
Eternity is a long, long time to be wrong.
Here’s my prayer for today: O may all who come behind us find us faithful, may the fire of our devotion light their way. May the footprints that we leave, lead them to believe, and the lives we live inspire them to obey. O may all who come behind us find us faithful.
Enjoy the process of your life… every single moment, every single thing, every single pitch, every single play, every single everything, every single day. The clock is ticking and there are no time outs or do-overs. Moments wasted are forever wasted. And if you wear out living the good life, let it be because of your abundance of blessings from God and the abundance of good you do.
This new meter is required to be attached to the podium when politicians and talking heads speak.
The Biden/Schiff Meter, known as the BS Meter is a must for every public event. It is run by artificial intelligence (AI). No, not by Kamala Harris. She is just the face for AI.
It will also work for Obama, Hillary, Nancy, Garland, Trump, Fauci, Newsome, Jean-Pierre, Hannity, Hunter, blue state DAs, grand juries, CNN, RINOS, Congress…. okay, all of them.
It replaces the BS Alarm which got annoying because it was so loud and always going off.
The next version will be called the Pavlov/Howard Stern Electric Shock Jock. The results will shocking.
Finally, the truth, the whole truth, the real truth and nothing but the truth. It will be a game changer. Washington DC and the mainstream media will never be the same.
Paula Hutto asked us to do an Elvis show at a Tablescape party at Raymond Road Baptist Church. I remember standing outside the door when the Elvis Theme from 2001 music was playing wondering “why am I doing this?”
I always combined comedy anytime I sang so if the singing was bad everybody would think it was a comedy. So when I went on stage during the intro to “See See Rider,” I knelt down like Elvis and then intentionally popped the Velcro belt loose (although it didn’t need much help) and all would be fine after a big laugh. Opened with See See Rider, finished with Can’t Help Falling in Love.” We hit the high note on the big finish for the first and only time.
Serenaded Jo Legg with “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” We both did spit takes when Elvis told her, “you read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue.”
Scottie played Elvis’ brother Melvis dressed as a Conway Twitty look-a-like. Fun stuff.
The look on the faces of the two old gentlemen in the background is priceless.
I asked Siri to look up the word “where” and it showed that “where” is an adverb. I asked Siri “What is an adverb?” Siri said, “No “What” is a pronoun.” So I asked Siri “Who’s on first?” Siri said, “Yes, that’s the man’s name.” 
Bob Bell, the original Bozo the Clown on WGN, said one time…”We just go out there each day and let er rip, and if it ain’t funny, we’ll try it again tomorrow.”
That’s what we did in Mayberry!
I went on a diet because my clothes didn’t fit. Now that I lost weight, my clothes don’t fit. But I am a few pounds away from slipping on that baby blue leisure suit which has been in my closet since the 70s.
Slogan from one of my real estate ads: “You know me, you like me, you trust me. Okay, you know me.” Call the Coach! rickclarke.com
I think in my younger days I believed in Jesus in my head but now I know Him in my heart because the “God-shaped hole” in my heart has been filled with God’s Holy Spirit and He has revealed the gospel truth to me.
Make a To-Do list every day of things you want to have or do. Knock off the items on the list when completed and then do it again tomorrow. Get a plan and get busy living
Trump arrest: Political prosecution, first amendment violation, election interference and a travesty of justice just like we’re living in a third world country.
My source of strength is THE source of strength. (Philippians 4:13) And not just for the things I want to do, but also the things I need to do or have to do or when times are tough; ALL things.
Renew your commitment to Christ every day in everything you think, say and do.
I am too blessed to be distressed. I used to be too stressed to get dressed.
By confessing with you mouth that Jesus is your Savior and the Lord of your life and believing in your heart that He was raised from the dead, you become a new creation with the righteousness of God through Christ. Your old sin nature is gone and behold everything new, a living hope.
Let the standard of your thoughts, attitudes and actions be evaluated only as “it’s Christ-like or it’s not” and “it pleases God or it doesn’t.”
And life will be good.
“Oh, I say and I say it again. You’ve been had! Ya been took! Ya been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Lied to! Led astray! Run amok! Flat out deceived!”
This is exactly what Satan has done and so many, too many people have fallen for it… hook, line and sinker. That’s what they choose to believe and that’s how they choose to live their lives. That’s “self” minus God. “Self” without God. “Self” rejecting God. Godless. That’s eternity without God and eternity is a long, long time to be wrong.
Your identity must be defined not by “who” you are, but by “whose” you are through what God has made available for you by His grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus is the only “truth” that will make you free.
Make sure your internal Attitude Meter is always in the “on” position.
Your thoughts, attitudes and actions are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad and whatever else represents good and bad.
There is no “gray area” between good and bad and there are no other options. There are degrees of good and bad, but the worst “good” is still good and the best bad is still “bad.”
Choose good. Be good. Do good.
Tough·ness /ˈtəfnəs/ n. – The ability to perform well on each pitch regardless of the situation or circumstances… the score, the level of competition, who’s pitching against you, bad umpires, losing the game, getting yelled at by your coach, self-perceived pressures, or any distractions that may cloud your thinking and your ability to compete as you were designed; Discipline. Confidence. Motivation. Determination. The Big “Five.” The sum of all five is called toughness. Toughness is a rare and seldom seen condition known medically as “Intestical Fortitude.“
Success is the ongoing accomplishment of goals and goals are things you want to be, have and do.
It requires making specific decisions, taking specific actions and making ongoing evaluations & adjustments as needed along the way.
The essential attitudes required are discipline, confidence, motivation and determination… toughness.
Success is getting what you want. What do you want? What’s the plan to get it? Take action! Do it! Make it happen!
There is simply no solution for the human condition other than the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is the essential of the essentials for what the world needs now. This is where real love is found and it is “the truth” that will set you free.
The 8 Laws of Learning: Explanation, demonstration, imitation, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition. (John Wooden)
Is your attitude and behavior Christ-like or is it not? Does it please God or does it not? Those are the most powerful guidelines. Let’s pray each day to be more Christ-like and to please God in everything we think, say and do.
Here’s a great philosophy of life from the great “Zig Ziglar.” “You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
https://www.facebook.com/ZigZiglar/videos/10155665595372863
“What changes lives is making decisions and taking action that produce the results you want.” Tony Robbins
“Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not.” Thomas Huxley
If I should ever die suddenly while mowing the lawn, please do not say “he died doing what he loved.”
There are only two sides to choose from and eternity is a long, long time to be wrong.
Politicians should be required to love their country in order to serve in office.
The Biden boys: Quid, Pro and Quo.
From my Chastain days- Principal: “We’re going to get you a good assistant principal.” Student: “We don’t want a good assistant principal. We want Mr. Clarke!”
What investment strategy gives you the greatest return? Becoming a professional politician. That’s why so many do it.
My sweet wife Patty and I met in high school.
I said “Thank-you sir” to a person taking my order that might not have been a sir. I think. And since you can’t un-ring a bell, I just walked away. I’ll just say “Thank-you” from now on.
A study suggests that Viagra use may reduce risk of getting Alzheimer’s by nearly 70% and will decrease your chances of rolling out of bed at night by 100%.
Even if you hate Trump or you don’t and might not want him to run again in 2024 you have to admit that the man had a second term as the duly elected President of the United States stolen from him in the middle of the night. Remember, Trump was only made possibly after 8 horrific years of Obomber and the thought of Hillary Clinton as president of the United States.
Clarnac the Magnificent: (my tribute to Johnny Carson)
Envelop #1
The Answer: She got a divorce.
The Question: How did Clarnac’s wife lose 240 pounds of unwanted fat? 😂
For more Clarnac: https://diaryofamadbaseballcoach.com/clarnac-the-magnificent/
People just keep voting for “their team” even if that team is not the best team and is a losing team.
“A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.” (James Allen, As a Man Thinketh) This is the United States of American in 2023.
Sex is anaerobic at best. Quick and exhausting. It’s not aerobic because it doesn’t last 20-30 minutes (unless you include begging) and it doesn’t happen every other day. It does however, raise the heartrate just by thinking about it. 1 out of three ain’t bad. Hall of Fame numbers.
Be nice & friendly, kind, polite, respectful and fair to all people, including yourself. Always. Unconditionally.
She: I’m pregnant. I need to have an abortion. Friend: How did this happen? She: It was an accident. Friend: What were you doing when the accident occurred? She: Having unprotected sexual intercourse. Friend: If you and your friend are doing the act that makes babies, how is it an accident? 1 egg versus 300 million sperm is not an accident. She: We were recreating, not re-creating. Friend: Ya’ll need to quit playing with those toys until you understand how they work. He: Nowhere to be found. Probably re-creating while recreating…. again.
Nothing screws you like time and weather.
No matter who owns it and who’s on it, Twitter or X is a cesspool. I am an X user of X. Should have tweeted that.
Everybody can lie and deceive, but just Satan and politicians can “only” lie and deceive.
What if simply changing your thoughts and attitudes about someone or something was the difference maker in both your personal and professional life?
Can you imagine how miserable life would be if your wife found out that ya’ll were $34 trillion dollars in debt? That’s 34 with 12 zeros behind it! 34,000,000,000,000 plus. The interest only payment is approximately $330 billion. Just think about the people we have elected to spend our money. At least that’s $3.4 trillion being tithed.
The great Zig Ziglar called the alarm clock an “opportunity clock.”
Life is short and the only way you can live life as God intended it to be lived is to actually live it like God intended you to live it. His Grace, your faith, His promises, your obedience. His love for you, your love for Him, your love for yourself through Him, and your love for others, because He first loved us all. By confessing with you mouth that Jesus is your Savior and the Lord of your life and believing in your heart that He was raised from the dead, you are a new creation with the righteousness of God through Christ. Your old sinful self is passed away, behold everything new, a living hope . Let the standard of your thoughts, attitudes and actions be evaluated only as “It’s Christ-like or it’s not” and “It pleases God or it doesn’t.” And life will be good.
Action is the foundational key for all success. (Picasso)
Just invented the I-Gun. It is a smartphone with an app that turns the phone into a small caliber handgun for your protection. Now we all be “packin'”
My Political Reforms: Campaign finance reform. Can’t receive campaign funds or perks from lobbyists. Spending cap on how much money is available in a campaign. Same for all. All bills and attached items must be posted for public review for a period of time before voting. No piggy-back bills within other bills. Must write their own bills. Everybody must read them before passing them and pass a test for comprehension. Age limits. Term limits. Sit out a term. Reps and senators should be banned from insider information on stock purchases. All tax returns must be reviewed and public record. Peer review on voting records and conflict of interest. Retirements plans must be like those offered for the public. No exemptions for reps, senators, and their staffs. Representation, not perks. Must present a balanced budget each year and be held criminally libel for doing harm to the US. Cut the size of the federal government and send tens of thousands home to find honest work.
Dieting after years of being a fat guy has my gut is saying WT_?
Eternity is a hell of a long time to be wrong.
Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does.
Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 3, Line 87. A cute way to say no.
I believe that Satan is a liar, and his only power and purpose is to deceive and lead people astray from God and although he is roaring like a lion looking for those he may devour, he has no power over me through Christ. Thank you Jesus. He was defeated at Cross and while be judged and sentenced when Christ returns and be thrown in the Lake of Fire.
Hell is eternal jail where corruption and evil are never ending torments.
Baseball is the mental Olympics.
Success is the ongoing accomplishment of goals. Goals are things you want to be, do and have.
Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you and treat all others the same.
You usually “get what you give.” It’s called a reciprocal response. When you’re nice to someone they will usually be nice to you.
There is no solution for the human condition but through the resurrection of Jesus. It is the essential of the essentials for what the world needs now. This is where real love is found and it is “the truth” that will set you free. The truth that Vivek doesn’t speak.
Our two party system: RINOS and DEMO(ns)
I’m joining the Against-em-all-ian Party for this election. . Motto: “How can you make a choice when they give you no choices?”
Be where your feet are.
I turn to Jesus and comedy to keep me from being enraged and outraged.
My dream: Hole in one! 165 yard, par 3, using a driver.
Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your ears.
My source of strength is THE source of strength. (P 4:13) And not just for the things I want to do, but also the things I need to do or have to do or when times are tough; ALL things.
If the only job they have is to simply interpret what the the U.S. Constitution says and they have a lifetime to figure it out, how come every vote is not 9-0?
Competition is actions and reactions.
My buddy Scott and I have a new name for our diet: TWO LOSERS!
I finally figured out why softball pitchers can pitch every pitch of every game while baseball players cannot. Softball players have have bigger balls. Come on somebody!
To be loved you must first love and be loveable.
Name one major U.S. city that is thriving under Democrat leadership. Just one.
If Biden was removed from office for being unfit to serve (which he is) and Harris took his place, she would immediately be removed from office for being unfit to serve (which she is).
The city of Jackson announces two types of drinking water for the city: Regular and chunky style.
Pray this simple prayer today: “Lord, let your will be done. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.”
One of the beautiful things about baseball, as in life, is that every once in a while you come into a situation where you want to, and where you have to, reach down and prove something.
In 1965, LBJ said that blacks would vote Democrat for the next 200 years. He appears to be right.
Do not reciprocate (DNR) the negativity of others; words or deeds.
After getting hit by a line drive in my surgically repaired right rotator cuff in batting practice a couple of weeks ago, I have recovered and have the flexibility and range of motion that I have not had since the surgery and all the physical therapy and rehab. I have been told that this is because the lick by the baseball broke away the scar tissue around the cuff. Hitting me with the line drive was the only thing my loser assistant coach did to help me all year.
Transparency in politics means you can see right through them.
We are all born originals. Not duplicates. Not copies. Originals, created in the image of God.
There are 360 million people in the U.S. and all we can come up with for leader of the free world is Joey Obiden and Donald Trump. God help us all.
I love how baseball reminds me that you get to start over at zero every day. Play hard. Compete. Have fun.
I wish Paul Harvey was still around so we wouldn’t have to hear from so many talking heads in news and sports, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Irrelevant information from corrupt, unqualified people telling us all what to think. News each day, only on the radio, for just 15 minutes and then, “Good day!”
My high school coach left his mark on me. In fact, he left a lot of marks on me. A character of the game, with character. Let’s do a roast!
Coach Ron Miller wrote this poem about Josh and his nasty split-finger fastball in 2007: There was a young pitcher named Clarke, who kept opposing hitters in the dark. It was useless to “swang” when he whipped out that “thang”, cause it’s bite was much worse than its bark. 🙂
New oath of office for all elected officials: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic (New text added: “even if that enemy is me or us.”
I quit coaching baseball because of the pussification of players and the beginning of the interference of “helicopter” parents. It probably started in the mid 2000s. Pussification is a learned behavior encouraged by their parents and it ruined it for me in the last years at Hinds, at Pearl where I coached for almost a whole season before pissing of some big wigs and getting suspended and at the most awful of awfuls of my coaching experiences, Hillcrest “Christian” School. The previous coach obviously left for a reason. None of the administrations at any of the schools would do what I asked, “If someone has a problem with me, send them to see me” and the problem will go away. None ever did that.
The U.S. House of Representatives on Dec. 8, 2021 voted to pass the Disrespect for Marriage Act. The bill codifies a portion of a Supreme Court ruling that says same-sex marriage is a right when it is a wrong. Voted for: Bennie Thompson (aka- Gerry Mandering). Travesty. Voted against: Michael Guest, Trent Kelly, Steve Palazzo.
Four new political parties: Notademopublican, Against-em-all-ian, Gerontology, Dementarian parties.
American Marine Paul Whelan, held on a bogus charge in a Russian prison, has agreed to become a gay, bisexual, lesbian, transsexual, who hates his country in order to be released from prison. Russia wants LeBron James in exchange. Make the deal!
I asked Siri to look up the word “where” and it showed that “where” is an adverb. I asked Siri “What is an adverb?” Siri said, “No “What” is a pronoun.” So I asked Siri “Who’s on first?” Siri said, “Yes, that’s the man’s name.” 🙂
Your value has already been determined. Not by your “friends” or complete strangers, not even by you. It comes from God. You were created in the image of the Almighty God. The creator of heaven and earth, the loving God, the one true God and the only living God. So others are not qualified to put a value on you, to audit you or to appraise you.
MLB after winning: Let’s celebrate with a depressant drug. Hate it. Won’t watch it.
Medical advice from the Coach. For muscle cramps: A tablespoon of yellow mustard. Instant cure. Only side effect is a craving for hot dogs. Plantar fasciitis: Ice pack on the calf muscles. Don’t need the frozen bottle of water thing or the socks or the shots. I’m just saying. And if it hurts when you do this, don’t do that.
Fastest fastballs ever recorded: Chapman- 105.1, Feller- 107.6, Nolan Ryan- 108.5!
“Thinking is but an idle waste of time.” Senior quotations “about me” Forest Hill senior class of 1972. Not true now.
So much of the great game of baseball depends on the “muscle” between the ears. Pull that one and you pull them all.
The number of cases of treason against members of the executive, legislative and judicial branches, Big Tech, Big Pharma, Corporations, Wall Street, the Biden’s and Dr. Fauci would be astronomical.
Even the greatest heart surgeon in the world has to have a heart to work with.
There are 100,000 fentanyl overdose deaths in our country each year, mostly young people. How come nobody ever asks why our kids are out of the streets buying and using psychoactive drugs that might kill them.
What if Gerry Mandering (aka Bennie Thompson) was the victim of illegal ballot box stuffing in the 2nd Congressional District race, just like the 2000 mules thing? Just an idea. Wouldn’t you just love to hear the outcry that someone stole an election from a democrat? Our best chance may be with an open primary in 2024. Hmmm.
The quantitative definition of the zone is when thinking is inversely proportionate to the stimulus of the environment. Buzzzzz. Pitch. Glove. Pitch. Glove. Nothing else exists.
Great physical comedy in Mayberry: Otis’ angry wife (Lisa Hill) literally pulled Otis (Scott Jones) through the PVC pipes of the jail cell. That’s was simply not possible and ad-libbed.
The FBI wants 66 years to release information from Seth Rich’s computer. Seth’s the one who sent info about Hillary and the DNC corruption to Julian Assange and Wikileaks. Not Russia. Sorry Hillary. Rich was randomly and conveniently “Clintoned” on a D.C. street on July 10, 2016 at 4 am in the morning with two gun shots to the back. He was not robbed. Five months before the 2016 election. Another. Cover-up.
Otis (Scott Jones) was in the cell couldn’t reach his moonshine bottle on the sheriff’s desk. After reaching several times, he picks up the cell and moves it closer to the desk, gets the bottle, and then moves the cell back.
American’s appetite for psychoactive drugs is the “demand” which drives the “supply.” Without it the drug dealers would go out of business.
The M-Braves have a sponsor for every aspect of the game experience. The Umpire Walk, the Play Ball Call, every foul ball, the National Anthem, the called third strike, a balk, a dirty look from the hitter, a missed call by the umpire, the double parked bus was towed by the Pearl Police Department, etc. And when I flushed the urinal, a voice came over the speaker saying “This flush was brought to you by Longwood Plumbing and Heating.” The possibilities are endless.
“Ralph: [to Norton] Hey, what does ‘icky’ mean? Ed Norton: I don’t know, why? Ralph: Alice just said I was icky. Ed Norton: Must mean ‘fat.’”— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners
Wouldn’t you like to find the person who encouraged you to try smokeless tobacco and chewing tobacco 40 years ago and punch them in the throat?
Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant drug. Americans drinks when they win and drink when they lose.
Back in the big city! Thank God!. Went through the drive-thru at McDonalds in Eupora and ordered a Big Mac. The lady said, “Do you want fries and Copenhagen with that?”
Auburn fired their head football coach Bryan Harsen who thanked them 21.45 million times for doing it. He credits the Auburn Board of Trustees for fundamentally changing his life with the firing.
Never sit in the front seat of a car with fat Clemenza sitting right behind you.
Confucius say: Do not wear your protective cup on a two hour drive to a baseball game. (not me….Jake). I guess he was just playing it safe in case we had an accident and the air bad deployed.
Every ailment I’ve ever had was because my mother smoked cigarettes when she was pregnant with me.
Legalized recreational marijuana. Just what American needs. Not. It is a still a gateway drug. It can only get you so high.
Virtual learning in school is virtually no learning.
Buddy Butts, King of the One Liners
Set 1
Buddy: Hey, what a crowd, what a crowd. (Like Rodney).
I believe the last time I saw this many Baptists in one place it was at the Silver Star Casino. 😂
Wanna hear a joke? (like Bob Einstein)
You know you’re officially a senior citizen when you and your teeth don’t sleep together anymore. 😂
I remember I was so depressed and was going to jump out a window on the 10th floor of a building. They sent a priest up there and I’ll never forget what he said, “On your mark………” 😂
With the retirement of Rob Gronkowski and pending divorce from Gisele, Tom Brady has lost two of the greatest tight ends in history. 😂
I heard that Cailyn Jenner is selling all her unused “Y” chromosomes on Ebay. 😂
Chris Christie pledges that if elected he will be the fattest president since William Howard Taft. 😂
I hit a fat lady with my car the other night. She said, why didn’t you go around me? I said, “I didn’t think I had enough gas. 😂
I’m so fat my doctor told me to open my mouth and say “Oink.” 😂
My proctologist’s name is Dr. Dover. Ben Dover. He was born to be a proctologist. He is a three time winner of the proctologist association’s “Finger of the Month Award.” 😂
He used to be a photographer. When he examines me he tells me to bend over and say cheese. 😂
Kim Kardashian’s measurements are 36-24-36 and 365. 😂
I figured out how Marie Osmond lost 50 pounds with Nutri System. She took off her make-up! 😂
Goodnight everybody! (thunderous applause; There’s No Business Like Show Business music)
For more Buddy Butts: https://diaryofamadbaseballcoach.com/rimshots-with-buddy-butts-the-king-of-the-one-liners/
Anna Phylaxis was my first date that will live in infamy. She literally took my breath away.
Age is just a number. In my case, it’s a very big number.
In a Mayberry show, Barney (Tim McWilliams) told Otis (Scott Jones) to suck in that gut and all of the XX-Larges on the stage (names withheld) and everybody on the front row sucked in their guts at the same time. A great comedy bit.
Most comedians who didn’t die of drug overdoses at an early age, live to the ages of 95-100. Bob Hope and George Burns made it to 100. Mel Brooks and Dick Van Dyke are 97. I’ve got 32 years to live.
Senator Roger Wicker does not serve Mississippi or the nation well by talking foolishness in the media about using nuclear weapons and sending any more US troops anywhere near the Ukraine.” The US could “rain destruction” on Russia with nuclear weapons if Vladimir Putin invades Ukraine, a senator has warned.” He is either insane, a sociopath, or a Demo(n)crat (or all three or doing a Lindsey Graham impression.
Viagra Use May Reduce Risk Of Getting Alzheimer’s By Nearly 70%, Study Suggests. Okay, old guys, who’s “up” for this challenge?
Heterosexuality is the norm. 1) God said so. 2) Corresponding fitting parts. 3) Reproduction. 4) The anus is an exit and not an entrance.
I had a shortstop that made so many errors that we changed his uniform number to E6.
Chrĭstmas or ChrĪstmas? This year let’s put Christ back into Christmas. But the first six letters of the word Christmas is clearly C-h-r-Ī-s-t. ChrĪst. And yet we all pronounce the “ĭ” as a short vowel, a curved and cupped shaped symbol called as a “breve” instead of a long vowel, with a straight line over it called an “acron.” Why do we call it Chrĭstmas with a short vowel instead of long vowel when the word “ChrĪst” with a long vowel is clearly in the word ChrĪstmas? ust another way to secularize ChrĪstmas, perhaps? Another way to take ChrĪst out of ChrĪstmas? This year, let’s put ChrĪst back into ChrĪstmas and encourage others around us to do it as well. It will even be a good way to tell others that the birth of ChrĪst is the real reason for the ChrĪstmas season. “For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, which is ChrĪst the Lord!” (Luke 2:11) Merry ChrĪstmas to you and yours!
The people who excel are the ones who can deal with the “constant adversity” that baseball provides and make the necessary adjustments to inch closer to success knowing that another opportunity will present itself. A lot like life…
50+ Marriage Celebration August 12 | 11:45 AM | College Assembly – Asking for two friends: 1) What if it just seems like 50 years? 2) Is it 50 years with the same spouse or cumulative?
My 86 year old mom is optimistic about the future since the state issued her a driver’s license through the year 2020. (from 2017)
Wake up! Remember! Don’t apologize! Have courage! Work hard! Rub some dirt on it! Be patriotic! Be industrious! Be . . . American!
One time we were playing a national powerhouse traveling through Mississippi with 100% of severe storms all around. A merciful rainout was our only chance. It was thundering and lightning in every direction off in the distance. It was storming everywhere in Central Mississippi but in a little circle surrounding Joe G. Moss Field. We got smoked and when they loaded their bus we got drenched like in the great flood of Noah’s day. Lesson learned? I’m not sure. 🙂
Mickey Mantle said of Sandy Koufax’s curveball, “How are you supposed to hit that shit?”
Just played golf with a pregnant woman and came in third.
Laughter enhances your social abilities as it is a common way to connect with others. A man who always laughs and makes other people laugh has more friends than those sitting alone in one corner of the room. Laughter helps in reducing violent behavior, anxiety or irritation by relaxing the muscles and inducing “Happy Hormones”. Laughter is the best medicine to cure your pain and is the best exercise recommended by doctors in today’s haphazard lives of everyone.
Got my real estate license today and am beginning my second career after 32 years of coaching baseball. November 10, 2014
Dads, coaches… When you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Top 10 Reasons Why Letterman Retired-
10. His fan club broke up. The guy died.
9. The gap in the ratings was wider than the gap between his front teeth.
8. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me four times, with three of them being Jay Leno and Conan O’Brian, “I quit.”
7. Would be 96 years old when Fallon retires and he could get another shot at The Tonight Show.
6. Moving to the new AARP Channel which targets grumpy, old geriatrics who can relate to his tired old, sarcastic humor.
5. His ratings were lower than Tonight Show veteran Conan O’Brien.
4. Instead of Stupid Pet Tricks and Stupid Human Tricks, the show had turned into Trick Stupid Viewers.
3. TBS already had the most unwatched late night talk show.
2. He’s starting a new show: It’s Too Late, with David Letterman.
And the number 1 reason Letterman is retiring: 2 words (okay, 3): Not funny anymore!
Ok sheep. Trust in the mainstream media with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul. Cut the cord America! The 24/7 indoctrination is a tool of Satan and Ted Turner and we all need to go into rehab.
On the Fox Postgame Show, the moderator introduced Hall of Famer Frank Thomas and Hit-King Pete Rose…. Rose winced. 😀 A-Rod gets the same treatment.
Ivermectin is not longer just for horses.
Bob Gibson pitched 27 innings in the 1964, 1967, and 1968 World Series.
How can someone with as much “worldly” influence as Oprah, try to convince people in “Belief” (OWN) that there are millions of ways to God? The Godless seem to be trying harder to win souls than us Christians.
It’s amazing to this old coach that a big league starting pitcher who is a former Cy Young Award winner who has not pitched over 5 innings in any start this season, can completely lose it in the 5 inning of the World Series when he was pitching a no hit shutout with 9 Ks and threw less that 85 pitches. Where did it go?
This is the crazy situation we all find ourselves in. We can’t even vote out the do nothing RINO establishment in Washington (and Jackson) because they would be replaced by the lunatic demo(ns) on the left. Rock. Hard place.
My new kitchen sink sign: Rinse Your Dishes and Put Them in the Dishwasher or I Will Punch You in the Face. Ricky D.
Omission is a commission.
The truth of the Gospel is revealed to you when you are indwelled by the Holy Spirit.
With all my friends and teammates reaching their 70’s I think about who will go and when they will go and if we will be following the batting order. If that’s the case I wanted to remind my good friend Eddie Ramsey that he was the team leader and leadoff man. 🙂 For the first time in my life I’m happy I batted ninth and was a follower.
Kind words from Teresa Pope Jackson: Love reading these old stories! Not only a tough, awesome baseball coach, but writing talent too! What other tricks up your sleeve??
We have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok, and flat out deceived by the devil and his henchmen and henchwomen and henchtranspeople, hench LGBTQMFAPlusers, henchrulingclass, henchpoliticians, henchelite and henchmedia and many are going to hell without Christ. All are liars and deceivers. That’s the only power they have over us. Lies and deceit. But it’s we who take the bait. We choose. We have found the enemy and it is us. I am my own worst enemy when I allow myself to believe the lies and act on them.
The mind filled with good make less space for the bad.
It’s extremely difficult for a helicopter mom to breast feed a senior through a chain link fence.
Confuscius say: It better to get up and then pee than to pee and then get up.
You can’t or you don’t want to do it?
Heaven is a place without sin. Hell is a place where sin is not fun any more, forever. Eternity is a hell of a long time to be wrong.
Everything begins with the way you choose to think.
A pastor from a local Amish church was asked why his people seem to be immuned or affected very little by Covid-19, his answer: “We don’t have TV’s”.
Just survived my early morning cardiac treadmill stress test. Here’s what they found:
1) It took me 12 minutes to walk 6 minutes.
2) I’m at my ideal weight…. if I was 7’2″.
3) If a bear is ever chasing me up a mountain, make sure there is someone running behind me and in front of the bear.
4) He said, “Have you ever smoked?” I said, “Only in the womb.” (Thanks Mom; 1954, before the Surgeon General’s warning in 1964)
5) He said, “We want to elevate your heart rate to 85% of the maximum. Stand up.”
6) I asked the doctor what was clogging up my LAD (the widow maker). He said, “It looks like Kentucky Fried Chicken.” I said, “Original, Krispy, or Spicy?” He said, “Yes.”
7) I asked him if everything was alright. He ran my debit card and said, “It is now.”
8) I asked him when I should come back. He said, “How about next August. I need a new boat.”
This guy is about as funny as my proctologist, Dr. Dover. Ben Dover.
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” ― Theodore Roosevelt
FH Baseball Reunion: It was noted that if they sent coaches to jail for physically, mentally, and emotionally abusing their players (like they do now) like he used to do us in the 70’s, “tonight” would be just about the time Moose would be getting out of Parchman. Welcome home Coach! Nice ankle bracelet. Enjoy your steak.
When I was at Chastain Middle School, I suspended a white guy named Black, a black guy named White, and a Chinese guy named Wong. Some kid said, “Mr. Clarke don’t play. He’ll suspend you whether you are White or Wong!”
Gavin Newsome loves abortion more than Margaret Sanger did. She would smile, but she’s in hell.
How stupid are the American voters?
Hear you got a new football coach at Auburn. Yes. Who’s the new coach? Hugh. The new coach. Hugh. I mean the fellow’s name. Hugh. The football coach. Hugh. …Hugh is the football coach! I’m asking you who is the football coach? That’s the man’s name. That who’s name? Yes. Well go ahead and tell me. That’s it. That’s who? Yes….Hugh is the new football coach at Auburn.
Love to do the Yessir, Nosser (the name of their house dressing) routine with the waitresses at the Beechwood Restaurant in Vicksburg. “Do you have a comeback dressing?” “Yessir. Nosser.” You got a dressing? “Yessir.” You gonna tell me the name? “Nosser.” You’re not going to tell the name? “Yessir.” Well tell me. “Nosser,” Nosser? “Yessir.”
Before Ted Cruz starts running for president in 2024, remember he called January 6th “a violent terrorist attack on the Capitol, where we saw the men and women of law enforcement demonstrate incredible courage.”
Can you imagine the size of the head on a Barry Bonds Fathead?
How many ways can we reduce the population on the earth? Abortion at your local “convenience” store, gayness, just like the dinosaurs, starvation by inflation and delivery, price food out of the market, a pandemic, a vaccine that kills you, creating a killer virus like it’s a video game.
My grandson Dean and I love to set up the Chick-fil-A folks. I’ll say watch this… and I’ll say “thank-you” and the lady or man will say “my pleasure.” And we look at each other and bust out laughing.
Asking for a friend. Other than hating Trump, name the top reasons so many people, some living, some not, some twice voted for Biden.
In his new book, “Cause Unknown: The Epidemic of Sudden Deaths in 2021 and 2022,” former BlackRock fund manager Edward Dowd details data showing the COVID shots are a crime against humanity.
Best selling author Norman Cousins was diagnosed with a rare, autoimmune form of inflammatory arthritis. He decided to cure himself by laughter. He found that just 10 minutes of deep belly laughter would give him two to three hours of relief from his agony. Years later, doctors found that his arthritis had been stopped in it’s tracks.
Think of the possibilities for belly laughs. I look at myself in the mirror. I look at myself in the mirror when walking out of the shower.
No masks. Not again. And no more clot shots. Fool me once….
Not a big fan of the fall back version of daylight savings time.
Top two issues in Gerry Mandering’s (aka Bennie T.) 2nd congressional district: 1) Are we having a fish fry? 2) When is it?
My old school talk with the Hinds Baseball team in 2022. “The guys loved it. Thanks for coming. Josh”
Got this note from Craig Stephens and I appreciate the kind words: From my buddy Anthony Thomas about Magnolia Academy Baseball. Anthony wrote: “I attribute our success to the one who set the standard and refused to accept anything but our best. Rick Clarke. Minus his unrelenting and maniacal pursuit of excellence, we were just goofballs.” (the best compliment I ever had)
Fo shizzle my nizzle is a slang way to say “for sure, my friend.” It was popularized as a catchphrase of the rapper Snoop Dogg and is meant as a playful way to express affirmation. Do not say this if you are not Snoop Dogg. It does not end well.
In our Mayberry monologue I would tell the audience that “Opie (Jake) is not a natural redhead” (laughter) and then say “looking around the room I noticed that some of you ladies ain’t natural redheads either (reluctant laughter) and then Opie said, “My Paw ain’t a natural brown head either. If he didn’t color his hair, he’d be doing Matlock.” (real laughter). Always set up Op for the big laugh at my expense. 🙂 After he quit because he was getting too old and because puberty is not a funny thing, he returned for a reunion show. I told him that times are tough, but we kept doing the show and just worked for food. He stepped back, looked at me and said, “Looks like you’ve been working a lot, Paw.” (fat shaming laughter).
Thoughts, attitudes and actions are either good or bad but can’t be both at the same time and can’t be anything other than good or bad.
I was in the Indoor Practice Facility one day in my last season coaching baseball and stood in a strategic position outside the batting cages knowing full well that certain punk players would try to hit line drives in my direction and think they were cool. I just happened to be standing in the right center field gap where I have been trying to get them to hit balls all season long. #smarter than you are.
Charles Dudley Warner is known for making the famous remark, “Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” This was quoted by Mark Twain in a lecture, and is still commonly misattributed to Twain. I thought Calvin Coolidge said that.
Found a blooper in the Natural. No runners on base just before the 3-run homer to win the game. It wasn’t really a game winner, just a solo blast.
I thank God every day for blessing me with such a great mom and dad. They loved those four Clarke boys unconditionally and we had a great life at 1728 Dixie Drive.
Rick Clarke's Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach 